Because you think of me, because you’re mindful of me, because I am in your thoughts… I feel loved. If there was a sixth love language, I think this would be it: to know that the person you care for, thought of you and still thinks of you. =O)

I mess up a lot. I have plenty of witnesses to attest to this fact. But there is One. One person I mess up with ALL the time. He’s always right. But because He loves me and He loves and respects Himself, He’ll let me choose for myself… even if my choice isn’t His. He allows me to be stubborn and mulish. I find out through a long an arduous journey that His way was better and He was right and He knew far before I had set off on my individual direction. 

But, He has mercy. He has grace. He has compassion. When I return with my head down and my tail between my legs, He greets me inappropriately. He doesn’t say, “I told you so.” He says to me, “Welcome back My son, whom I love. Come now, and let us continue where we left off and finish the original journey we started.” 

At His unusual response, I repent of missing the mark. Or rather, I rethink my ways.His response is not one that I understand. It’s unorthodox to me. But God is the same and has always been and always will be. Kindness is His nature.

Obedience > Sacrifice. Mercy > Sacrifice. 

Romans 2:4 - Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?

Slowly fading away
You’re lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold
Looking for a distant light
Someone who could save a life
You’re living in fear that no one will hear your cries
Can you save me now

I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won’t leave you, I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
Cause you’re not, you’re not alone

Your heart is full of broken dreams
Just a fading memory
And everything’s gone but the pain carries on
Lost in the rain again
When will it ever end
The arms of relief seem so out of reach
But I, I am here

I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won’t leave you I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
Cause you’re not, you’re not alone

And I’ll be your hope when you feel like its over
And I will pick you up when your whole world shatters
And when you’re finally in my arms
Look up and see love has a face

I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won’t leave you I will catch you
When you feel like letting go
Cause you’re not, you’re not alone

And I will be your hope
And I will pick you up
And I will be your hope
And I will be your hope

Slow fading away
Your lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”

I asked God for His favor on me like He had on the desert fathers. He asked me for obedience. 

Every now and then, I take a step back and really look at my dad. God knows that I’ve had complaints about him pretty much from birth. He’s abusive with his words and he’s set in his ways… in a way, that can both be frustrating and abrasive. We’ve never really had a healthy relationship. It was always based on need rather than want. We only talked when we needed something from each other. The times we would spend together, we’d be so unashamed at how little we cared about what the other had to say. As I grow older, so does my father. He’s not the strong, capable-of-anything dad that I knew. He’s getting old and his body is starting to show it. It breaks my heart because I wonder where all his good years went.

And God answers me by saying, “His good years went to you and the rest of his family. He worked hard with his hands because that’s all he knew how to do in a foreign country. Even in sickness, he never stayed home from work so that he would be able to put food on the table. He may have his pride, but he also has his love for you and his household.”

Hearing this broke me. I am such a harsh critic of my father. I talk about how he places unfair measurements on me. I offer him no better or different…

Today, along with some other days that I remember, he makes food for me. He’s been staying home since he’s been physically ill for a few months now. (He makes a good stay-at- home dad. =P) He loves me. He only knows how to love me with his acts of service. I sit on my high chair and wish he would show me love via words of affirmation. It’s so silly of me to know about love languages and not apply them. Actually, this goes for all truths. God has been changing my mind about my father. He tells me that he is a godly man. Anyone examined under a microscope looks filthy. But my father as a whole is a good man with a few flaws that are not impossible to cover in kindness. 

There is no situation or relationship so messed up that it cannot be restored and redeemed by God. He is the one that makes all things new. I had ears but never heard. I had eyes and never saw. God hid the understanding of His words until I practiced probably the single most important action of a Christian. I forgave. I forgave and God made things known. I forgave and I heard His voice. I forgave and I understood what His Son did on that cross. Love is the greatest command. You are not loving if you cannot forgive. Forgiveness is a byproduct of love. It is one of the fruits from the tree of love. 

If God was a religion, the general review and encounter would that of a more critical matter that reduces God to be an idea to be liked or disliked. The only reason that millions of people can have different stories and experiences with the same God is because He is living. You don’t talk about living things the same way that you talk about things that entertain and enlighten. You talk about living things in terms of attributes and characteristics. You can read about God in the bible or you can know God intimately by means of personal encounters and experiences. However, you need both to have a healthy understanding of God. That understanding… I believe is this: that God loves and that He is faithful. The moment when it transitions within you from something you’ve heard, to something you’ve experienced (love and faithfulness), you can’t be the same. The love of God is a mighty force that one can’t help but be affected by. If God chooses to show the full measure of His love for you, good look trying to remain the same stingy, prideful, script and scheme ridden person that still has the linens of one from the grave. He’s changing me. Sometimes He’s gentle and patient. This time, He loved me violently and overwhelmingly. Still, He is the same God. I’m just experiencing a different side of Him. 

Hopefully this will be the last Saturday that I’ll have to work at night as I attempt to wind down for the Sabbath.